Vision
by Draconian Elflord
Summary: Yusuke falls prey to rage and dispair after losing Genkai, until one last lesson from the great beyond gives him a reason to go on to face Toguro, the one who slew his master. Rating for language (It's Yusuke, people) Please R+R, don't be cruel.


Elflord: Y'know what, I just finished the fic, and I'm fresh out of creative ways to say the disclaimer. We'll just have to do the basic. I don't- Kurama: *hands her a slip of paper from offstage* Elflord: *reading* Aha! This might just work! Yusuke: *rolls out drum set* Hiei: *hands Elflord a page of music and set of drumsticks*  
  
Elflord: *raises drumsticks over head* This is for all the fanfic people in the world! *Beating drums*  
  
Hey, fanficers, listen what I say *beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat* You ain't takin' me to court today *beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat* I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho *beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat* and none of the characters, you know *beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat* So don't sue me, baby, dat de truth *beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat-beat* Or I gonna make an ass outta you * huge drum solo* I DON'T OWN YU YU HAKUSHO!!! *last big beat*  
  
Whew! Now that was a workout. Just one thing I gotta say before we go on. I don't look at plot as an orthodox thing. This is a part of all of my fic. I use the parts of the plot that support the fic, but I don't feel inhibited about changing other parts according to my interp. to better support the fic. Please do not flame for plot reasons.  
  
Vision  
  
Old hag . . . he felt the rage building within him, the flame reaching from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. His spirit energy, the great blue flame it took as form, burning, itching like mad, ready to explode. The blaze . . . it was burning him alive, and there was nothing he could do.  
  
Rage. This one time, he knew he meant that word as broadly as it could be taken . . . Rage at the old woman. Rage at the man who had done it to her. Rage at a cruel, unjust world that let bad things happen to good people and let the bad make off like a bandit. Rage at a God that allowed it. As if he really believed in a God.  
  
But more than anything, rage at himself.  
  
How did he let this happen? How could he let it happen?  
  
It was no use. His mind was a black, whirling vortex of confusion and disbelief. He watched Toguro retreat into the woods, and no matter how badly he wanted to fire a shot right into his back this minute, he couldn't even move a muscle.  
  
Not ten feet from him, he saw the cold open eyes of the old woman, the hag, her grizzled pinkish hair wavering in the wind. Her old wizened bosom heaved no more. No longer did the sketchy voice proclaim desperate dying words.  
  
She was gone.  
  
'Gone . . . Do you know what that means, Yusuke Urameshi?' he thought to himself. 'Well, maybe I can give you a clue. It means DEAD. It means the old hag just kicked it right in front of you and you couldn't do a thing to stop it. You couldn't even say goodbye. Now it's too late for the both of you, and for the first time in your life, there's no one you can blame.'  
  
No one to blame, of course, except . . .  
  
Suddenly, he felt his fist come in contact with the ground. The rock crunched under the force, cracking and crumbling in a blast of light and sound. Even the ground itself shook, the sound like a crack echoing over through the clearing. He felt himself shaking, each and every muscle tight as if they'd been wound, each one ready to burst in a merciless blitzkrieg of rampant energy, each one in agonizing stall mode. Sweat eked out from his forehead and neck  
  
' . . . you, Urameshi. No one to blame except you.'  
  
It was no use. There was no point trying to use logic in a moment that seemed devoid of it. He lowered his head in mourning. He didn't even move at the sound of three pairs of approaching feet.  
  
"Yusuke!" Kuwabara's dorky voice crowed. "C'mon, get up! There's something wrong with Genkai! I was in the hotel, and all of a sudden, I couldn't feel her spir- O, God!" his sentence stopped as he caught sight of the old woman before him.  
  
Kurama and Hiei appeared behind him, racing to the crest of the easy rise and then suddenly stopping. A deadly silence sank over the clearing.  
  
Suddenly, Kurama took to his feet, striding silently down the rise and past Yusuke, finally coming to kneel next to the little woman's body. He leaned his head to one side and listened, lower and lower until his large, pointed ear was not a centimeter from her chest. For several tense seconds, the three of them held tight breath, waiting, watching the ear twitch and strain, searching . . . Kurama lifted his head at last, his eyes downcast.  
  
"I'm sorry, Yusuke," he murmured solemnly. "There's nothing I can do."  
  
"Hnnh! Some kitsune!" Yusuke grunted crossly, his eyes flaring. "'Nothing I can do . . .' What kind of healer are you?!?"  
  
"You knew before I got here, Yusuke," Kurama continued. "Yes, I have knowledge to heal those in sickness and pain. But this . . ." his sentence broke off, " . . . this is not of my power. I have no place . . ." he trailed off, and he did not go on. One small, white tear rolled down the fox's face.  
  
'Of course I knew,' Yusuke thought bitterly. 'Nobody got that kind of power.'  
  
"It's for the best, Yusuke," Hiei said. For the first time in his remembrance, Hiei was actually trying to be comforting. "Her time was coming anyway. It's a sacrifice humans make. Time is limited."  
  
'Yeah, limited,' he thought. 'But what about me? I got another chance. I got a replay, a do-over, a rewind. Why the hell doesn't she?'  
  
Kuwabara was starting to sob. Dumb oaf, but at least he was honest. Yusuke wished HE could cry. He'd love to have some teeny macho-sensitive tears right about now. Hell, why not all out? Just let it all out; great bloomy tears to the tune of a loud blubbering soundtrack. He and Kuwabara could sing a duet.  
  
But no. Not one measly, crumby tear if hell depended on it. Yusuke felt the impression of his nails on his palms grow deeper and deeper as he clenched them.  
  
How could this be? She'd been around so long . . . and now, just like that, no more? That's like a star just up and winking out one day into nothingness. No warning, no epilogue, no nothing. Just over.  
  
BOOM! "You fucking bitch!"  
  
All three of his companions jumped as these two sounds coincided exactly with each other. Like an afterthought, Yusuke felt the tiny split of flesh on his knuckles, blood running down the side of the boulder. Funny . . . he didn't remember saying those words. He couldn't even remember them formulate in his mind. It was like someone had stolen his lungs, his vocal cords and said it for him. They must have stolen his arm, too, 'cause damned if HE'D thrown that punch.  
  
Almost automatically, a heavy intensity fell over the group. All three of them were afraid to approach him. After a second or two, Kuwabara made a brave attempt.  
  
"Yusuke, I-"  
  
"No!" BOOM! God, that hurt. "This is bullshit! BULLSHIT!" BA-BOOM! "You don't just die in the middle of a goddamn field!!! GENKAI! YOU BITCH!" BOOM- BOOM! Why in hell's name am I hitting a friggin' boulder?!? "YOU FUCKING HAG!" BOOOOOOM! That one seemed to shake the whole forest. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" With a great crack, a fissure crinkled down a section of the boulder's face.  
  
The fist, covered in blood, remained fixed to the boulder. A great pain was growing in his stomach, threatening to vomit. His whole body seemed to be quivering, trying to fight back everything that wanted to burst out of him. The tears were blinding him, hiding so close behind the eyes and yet never there. His breath was coming in strange, sharp, whiny squeaks, laden with grief.  
  
"I can't do this by myself," his voice sniveled low, "I can't do it all alone . . . I can't . . . AAAARGHHHH!!!"  
  
With a mighty yell, he let a huge, spirit-charged blow loose on the boulder. A great, cosmic sound echoed through the forest as the boulder crumbled before him.  
  
Yusuke stood, still quaking. All three of his companions were now, quite bravely to say in the least, inching back towards him. Finally, Kuwabara made yet another bold attempt to break silence.  
  
"C'mon, Urameshi," Kuwabara made like to put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll go get Boton and the girls and-"  
  
"NO!" Yusuke jerked the arm away violently, turning on Kuwabara. "Go away! Leave me alone!"  
  
"Don't be a fool," Hiei interjected. "At the state you're in? I wouldn't let you-"  
  
"Didn't ya hear me, pipsqueak?!?" he faced the Fire Demon head on, his eyes blazing. "I said leave me alone!"  
  
"Please, Yusuke," Kurama finally tried. "I understand your position, but you must understand, the best thing to do now is-"  
  
"HAVE YOU ALL GONE DEAF?!?" Yusuke screamed, the sound of his voice echoing over and over. "How many times does it take to make it clear to you?!? . . . I WANNA BE ALONE!"  
  
He whipped around on his heel and jogged away into the forest at top speed.  
  
"I GOTTA BE ALONE!"  
  
"Urameshi!" Kuwabara began to run after. "Urameshi, come b-"  
  
"Kuwabara . . ." Kurama put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head meaningfully.  
  
"What?!? You just gonna let him go off like that?!?"  
  
"There are times to advise and times to give space. Yusuke needs space now. If he's going to recover, it has to be on his own. He has to get through this on his terms by his own devices. Until then, the best thing we can do is step back and pray he achieves his quest."  
  
Kuwabara opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, sighing. Slowly, the three of them began to make their way back to the hotel, all three heads held rather lower than normal.  
  
* * *  
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM . . .  
  
Countless numbers of trees, just felled . . . Now he was using the Spirit Gun. Who cared about energy? Random trees splintered, hit by fists, feet, knees, even his forehead. His spirit energy alone was singeing the forest floor. He was determined to fell this whole forest by sunrise.  
  
'Who cares about a stupid forest? Nothing really matters anyway.'  
  
The path under his feet began to become darker. Night was starting to fall in. How far had he run? How many trees had he already felled?  
  
'Stupid hag. Stupid teammates. Stupid tournament. Stupid Toguro. Stupid reality.'  
  
Yes, he thought to himself. It's all stupid, isn't it? And who's the stupidest of all, Urameshi? Hnnn?  
  
The ground beneath his feet was slowly becoming rocks again. From here he could hear the waves.  
  
The ocean . . . cold waves . . . falling in . . . into the blackness . . . had to . . . save . . . Genkai . . . I . . . can't . . . find . . . Yusuke never felt his trembling body hit the cold, weather-beaten stone. Falling into . . . huh? . . . I'm not dead . . .  
  
* * *  
  
Cave . . . something familiar about it, though . . . It suddenly hit him. The spirit wave. This was the place he'd gone through the long, excruciating process of gaining the spirit wave. Genkai . . . leathery old bag. She'd tried to take it away again. But he hadn't let her. He'd put his life on the risk just to learn it. The Dr. Itchagaki team . . . he'd never been so impressed with someone else. Incredible . . . well, he'd got it in the end, anyway. Like it really made a difference now . . . Yusuke laughed aloud, echoing all through the cavern. What was this, a dream or something? Last he remembered, he was on the rocks . . . wait a minute . . . he didn't . . . or did he?  
  
"Shut it," a familiar voice broke through the silence. "Baka. I swear . . . Calm down, at least. You're not dead."  
  
Yusuke's eyes jerked open for a second. Had he just heard what he thought he did? But it was. He lowered his head and spoke.  
  
"Hey, Genkai," he groaned. "How ya feelin'?"  
  
"What do you think, numbskull?" Out of the shadows, the image of a short, small figure appeared. "I'm dead. How good could I be?"  
  
"Sorry," Yusuke dropped dully to the floor, a small cloud of chalk rising under his weight. "Not much of a student, was I?"  
  
He lowered his eyes from his tutor, hanging his head low. . .  
  
WHAP!  
  
"OW!" Yusuke leapt to his feet, an angry red handprint imprinted on his face. "What was that for?"  
  
"'Not much of a student' . . . puh! And you call yourself a fighter!"  
  
"What?!?" Now he was getting mad. He could feel his hands ball into fists. "Take that back, or I'm gonna . . ."  
  
"You're gonna what?" she laughed croakily. "I'm already dead!"  
  
Yusuke began to respond, but stopped midway, scowling at her out of the corners of his eyes. They stayed thus for a few more minutes.  
  
"You still don't get it . . . do you?" Genkai asked after awhile.  
  
"Don't get what?" he asked moodily. "I don't get a lot of things."  
  
"At least we agree on something."  
  
More silence.  
  
"One question," Yusuke broke the silence this time. "If I'm not dead . . . what happened to me . . . and why am I here?"  
  
"Passed out on the shore," Suddenly, with a wave of her hand, she began to conjure strands of blue smoke, bringing them closer and closer into a sphere, until she appeared to be holding a huge crystal. "See?" he looked. A wavy, dim picture was beginning to appear in the sphere. Yusuke watched with interest as the image of his own unconscious body appeared before him, lying on the rocks. "And as for why, I brought you here myself. I got a few things to say to you, hoodlum."  
  
"Oh yeah? Like what?"  
  
"Shut up and sit down!" she ordered. Amazingly, he obeyed. "Now listen up, you punk. I have not trained you for a whole year not to have you learned anything."  
  
"What?!? Why you-"  
  
"SHUT IT!!!" Genkai's raspy shout echoed and reechoed through the cave walls, shaking them. "Did I or did I not tell you clam up to and listen? Well, you'd better, because I've only got time to say this once.  
  
"Yusuke, I have not trained you for a whole year not to have you learned nothing. You now possess one of the most coveted attacks; my own technique, the Spirit Wave. Demons and men alike have dreamed of mastering this attack. You are now the one living person to use it. But I fear by your actions today that you have nowhere near the maturity to use it properly."  
  
Yusuke began to protest, but one venomous look from his tutor's eyes quieted him.  
  
"As I was saying," Genkai continued with a glare, "I fear you lack the maturity to use the attack properly. I do not refer to the physical aspect. You have already shown me wrong in that assumption. Your spirit levels are now more than sufficient to bear the Spirit Wave. Your mentality is fair enough, I guess. It's on the emotional level where you lack experience."  
  
"Emotional what?!? What in the-"  
  
Look to freeze ice. He fell silent.  
  
"Yes, Yusuke, emotional maturity, and don't look your nose down at it. Believe it or not, emotional control is one of the key things to bear in mind when using such an attack. It takes a lot of concentration, and let me tell you, it's a lot easier when you can put aside your anger. One wrong step could mean the end. You'd be better off without as many distractions. I know it's hard, especially at your age. I myself have tangled with it time and time again when I was younger. But sure enough, I learned it, Yusuke, as I had to. Do you know what the secret is? It's so simple; you would have thought that more people would have discovered it by now. . ." she trailed off at last.  
  
"What is it?" Yusuke asked his voice now calm and obedient. "What's the secret?"  
  
For the first time in a long time, a smile crossed across Genkai's lined face.  
  
"Y'know, I asked my own master the very same question when I was your age, and when she told me, I laughed at her. It sounded so insane. It was only later I found out she was exactly right."  
  
"What was it she told you?" he asked again. "How do you control anger in battle?"  
  
"This is going to sound so crazy, but this is what she told me: Know yourself."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"That's exactly what I said. I thought she was going senile. But now I know what she meant, and she was dead on.  
  
"The secret of emotional control is to know yourself. When you know yourself to the smallest details, you often times can know your enemy very well. What would hurt you the most if it happened? It'd probably be the thing to hurt him too. Who are you . . . that's the big question. You're not invincible. What are your weaknesses? Where? If you can discover your own weaknesses, you'll know his. What are you feeling? Sad? Angry? Jealous? It's likely what he feels. How would you react to this particular situation? He's probably thinking that very thing. Study your enemy; that is always a tactic. But it's your second. Your first one is to know yourself. When you see yourself in your enemy, that brings him down onto your level, the real level . . . the level in which he truly exists. When you bring him to your level, fear and anger sink away. That in itself is golden."  
  
Yusuke stared, trying to process all that he had just heard. Now that he thought about it, no matter how crazy it sounded, it really made some sense.  
"Think you got it?" Genkai interrupted his meditating after a minute or so.  
  
"Yeah . . . takes a bit of thought, that one does."  
  
"You'll get it," she smiled again. "I've always believed in you. There's no reason to stop now."  
  
Yusuke couldn't help but laugh. "Since when do you smile?"  
  
Genkai laughed a croaky little laugh herself. "Since I'm dead, I guess."  
  
Suddenly, the entire cave seemed to begin to fill with mist.  
  
"Ah . . . I see our time's near up," Genkai uttered knowingly.  
  
"What . . . what's happening?" Yusuke cried, surprised.  
  
"You're waking up, that's what," she held the sphere up, showing him the image of his own unconscious self. "See?" And he couldn't deny it . . . his face was beginning to crinkle and move. He was regaining consciousness.  
  
"No!" he cried. "It can't be yet . . ."  
  
"I'm afraid so," the old woman sighed. "Yusuke, please remember . . . you must beat Toguro."  
  
"How can you talk about him at a time like this?" He suddenly realized he was crying, little tears, but tears all the same. "Genkai . . ."  
  
"Please, Yusuke . . ." just the memory of a glitter was crawling into the old, dulling eyes. She was crying too. "I don't have very much time. Promise me, please . . . never choose the road that he did. For fifty years, I've tried. Now it's up to you. Please . . . it's my last chance, my last chance to save him . . . to save the one I once loved . . ."  
  
"I promise . . . I promise." Boy, weird how you feel better while crying. Yusuke doubted he could even stop it now.  
  
"Yusuke . . ." the mist was starting to blur her image away, her voice getting further and further "never forget . . . how proud I am . . . of you . . . I believe in you, Yusuke. I believe . . . in all of you . . . Believe . . ."  
  
The mist rolled in faster. He couldn't hear her anymore. Their time was over.  
  
"Genkai . . ." the whispered word echoed through the haze "I believe . . ."  
  
* * *  
  
"Genkai . . . Genkai . . . I believe . . ." The sudden sensation of the  
breeze on his face. Slowly, his tired, sore eyes opened to see the sky  
above him, sprinkled with stars. The sun had gone down now. He sat up,  
holding his throbbing head. Was it real? Had he really seen Genkai? Could  
it have just been a dream?  
  
Suddenly, he began to notice how cold it was. He was shivering, covered in leftover sweat and sea spray. Goosebumps were appearing all over. It was just about then that he realized he wasn't alone.  
  
A little dark lump was lying by his side, shivering as much as he was.  
  
"Puu?" Yusuke cuddled the tiny Spirit Beast in his arms. "What ya doin' out here, bud?"  
  
Puu gave a little reassuring coo and snuggled into his chest.  
  
"Probably came out here to look for me, didn't ya?  
  
Puu cooed and wrapped his ears around his face to keep off the spray.  
  
"Good idea. What ya say we get outta here?"  
  
Through that dark night, Yusuke trudged back into the forest where it wasn't so breezy. It was amazing to see how much of it he had destroyed. Near the place he'd used the Spirit Gun, he found a huge tree he'd missed. He sat down beneath it, setting Puu down on his shoulder, finally closing his eyes in meditation.  
  
It was gonna take a while to figure this one out.  
  
* * *  
The sky was still dark. The sun had just begun to rise. His steps crunched through the dry leaves, making an obvious track behind him. Every few steps, he had to look behind him. Never know what could be in these woods.  
  
Puu was still sound asleep in his arms, cute snores interjecting every once in awhile. Yusuke smiled. Keiko was right. He was a lot like him. He even had his snore.  
  
Slowly, the white image of the hotel began to appear.  
  
'I'll come in quiet,' he thought to himself as he approached the silent lobby of the hotel. 'No reason to wake them all up. We've got a big day today.'  
  
He found the elevator and pressed the big white button marked "3". Thankfully, it opened quietly without a noisy ding. Puu went on sleeping. He really was pretty cute. There'd been a time when he'd been embarrassed of him, but now, he'd gotten kinda attached.  
  
'I hope I don't wake anyone,' he thought as he opened the door a little creak. Imagine his surprise to open the door and see all of the lights on.  
  
Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara, and Koenma were all sitting in the front room, each one bearing an expectant look on his face. Yusuke looked around in surprise, only to find the girls also awake, sitting at the table playing cards. All of them were looking at him intently.  
  
Yusuke returned the stare. Now that he thought of it, the guys were looking pretty good this morning. Hiei's fiery essense seemed to be much stronger than yesterday, his eyes far more sulfurous than he'd seen them in a while. Kurama seemed to be showing a sign of silver underneath his normal human form. Kuwabara's aura appeared more receptive now than he'd seen it before. Even Koenma had lost the binky (a huge feat for him, he was sure) and, amazingly, looked . . . well, a little on the buffed side.  
  
From the table, all four of the girls stared back at him. Keiko looked concerned but confident. Boton was shaken but resolute. Yukina just emanated caring. Heck, even Shiruzu, the cynic of the group, was trying to look encouraging.  
  
"Are you all ready for today?"  
  
There was no answer needed. Not even a nod. All he had to do was look at their eyes to know the answer.  
  
Something suddenly occurred to Yusuke. Before last night, he hadn't known himself. There was always doubt in himself, always this feeling of 'I might not get out of here alive.' But there was no need. The vision of faith, faith that he would make it . . . he could see in all of their eyes. He had seen in it Genkai's eyes. And now, for the first time he could remember, he could feel it in his own eyes. Nothing could stop him now.  
  
From his memory, the voice of his tutor; the hag, the genius, the only crotchety old woman who actually made a little sense resounded . . .  
  
"'Yusuke . . . never forget . . . how proud of I am . . . of you . . . I believe in you, Yusuke . . . I believe . . . in all of you . . . Believe . . .'"  
  
THE END 


End file.
